no waking up
by darveymadeit
Summary: Set in S8. That's all I'm going to say.


**_Hey everyone! I wrote something after a long time. I hope you like it! Also, massive thanks to Jane (@aSnackForAlways) for keeping up with me and my moods. And my lovely betas- Sahra (@ebks_), Elle (@darveyiscanon1) and Pauline (@paulinexxrnd)._**

It was nearing 9 pm on a Friday night and most of the employees had already left for the weekend. It was cold and deserted as a senior partner still sat in his office, trying so hard to wrap his head around the painful reality that his life has turned out to be. He hates it but there's nothing he can do about it now (well, to be fair, he could've done a lot before all this mess started but then—) rather than smiling and wishing her well.

He gets up from his leather chair, buttons up his suit jacket after finally mustering up the courage to go and say the goodbyes that were expected of him and maybe even have a last drink with her. He lets out a deep sigh, his eyes already feeling a bit too watery.

...

Donna looks around her office one more time. It was empty, not figuratively, no. It was because she had just finished packing some of the last of her personal things. She had not wanted the packers to touch her stuff, the stuff which held 13 years worth of memories. Instead, she decided to take her own sweet time in packing them up while reminiscing the story which each object carried.

She draws in a deep breath as she glides her fingers over her desk. She sits down in her chair for one last time, just trying to feel the power that she felt sitting over there, the power which being a COO brought to her. A flood of memories come rushing back to her and she immediately gets up, facing the glass windows as she sniffles softly in an attempt to keep her tears from falling. She was gonna miss everything and everyone. No matter how _emotionally cut off_ they were.

Harvey catches her swiftly wiping a tear away which had betrayed her eyes. He feels himself gulping when he takes in the empty office. He wants to escape from all this pain just like he always does. Just keep running and running until he's so short of breath that he forgets her and New York, and the Other Time and the things she makes him feel until all he remembers is how to breathe.

His thoughts are interrupted when she turns to face him even before he knocks. She always seems to know. Always. And if he's being honest with himself, he hates the irony of it all. The irony where the woman who's supposed to know everything and is known to catch the lies in everyone's words, failed to do so when it came to deciphering his own feelings for her. Idiot, he chastises himself, when he remembers that it was he who pushed her away and not her.

"Harvey", she says trying a soft smile to ease the pain which both their hearts felt.

"Donna", he lets out, which sounded more of a plea than a greeting. A subconscious plea asking her to stay which his conscious self never would.

Donna smiles even more brightly to cut the thick air that was starting to enclose upon them and asks him if he wants to have a drink.

He accepts her offer and follows her to the couch as she pours them both his favourite poison.

She sits down beside him, their thighs nearly touching and Harvey immediately pulls his thigh in as if afraid he would combust from the simplest of physical touch.

Donna restarts their conversation, drawing in Harvey easily as they exchange fun anecdotes and boring case details as an escape to conveniently forget about the painful reality ahead. The painful reality wherein they wouldn't be working together any more. After 13 goddamn years, they would not have each other to have long drinks with in his office while his dad's music played softly in the background. No more giving Donna a ride back to her home or calling her at 3 in the morning when he needed personal advice. For fuck's sake, she wasn't even going to be in the same damn city and he's not even sure when he'll see her again or if he'll ever see her again. That's a dangerous path of thoughts he was leading himself on and the one he mostly stays off of for his own sanity.

All these thoughts make Harvey feel as if his throat was closing in, making him take a big gulp of his drink just to make sure that his air passage was not choked.

"You missed my wedding", she finally lets out in a whisper, her eyes focused on the now-empty tumbler held in her hands.

He momentarily closes his eyes as an attempt to shake the image of her exchanging vows with a man which was not him. He felt pathetic. Pathetic to be harbouring feelings for a married woman but he just couldn't help it.

"I know. I am sorry," there was no point in lying to her and saying that the conference he attended as an excuse was in any way more important than her wedding. It was a bullshit excuse but his sorry ass went anyway. He needed an escape, a reason to miss it and he grabbed the first chance he got. He left. He left her alone on the most important day of her life. What does it say about him? That he is a selfish asshole who kept running away from his feelings until it was too goddamn late and lost her for good.

She nods and feels it upon herself to again shake them out of this deafening silence where he sits in regret of missing her wedding, his best friend's wedding. Whereas she, on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to enjoy his company for one last time without any awkwardness.

She clears her throat, trying to lighten the mood by cracking a joke.

"You missed the opportunity to woo all those single girls with your dance moves, Specter," She chuckles trying to emphasise the point that she was desperately trying to get things _normal_ between them even when they weren't. Not by a long shot.

Harvey catches the drift and continues, "Well then allow me to woo _you_ with my dance moves"

Donna looks at him with a puzzled expression when she feels him getting up and putting his hand out for her to hold.

She quirks her left eyebrow wanting him to explain his impromptu plans.

"What? Can't I just dance with my... friend whenever I want?"

"Best friend and of course you can," she corrects as her gaze softens at his words, sliding her fingers into his palm until he has a firm grasp on them and is pulling her to a standing position.

Harvey looks around her office to only realize that she doesn't own a record player or records for that matter. And even if she did, it would've been packed and sent away by now. He shuffles on his feet trying to think of some other way to get some music playing when her gleeful voice disrupts his thought process.

"You didn't think this through, did you?", she shakes her head letting out a hearty laugh.

"It's a new age, Harvey", she explains as she stretches her left arm to grab hold of her iPhone while still holding onto him with her right.

"Here, take this. Spotify has your back old man", she snickers as she hands him her phone.

Harvey rolls his eyes at her as he takes hold of her phone from her, "Of course I know what Spotify is, I have a subscription for it if I remember correctly"

"Of course you do, who do you think pays for my subscription anyway?", she says matter of factly, accompanied by a shrug.

Harvey looks at her with a faux shocked expression because this woman in front of him was more than capable of pulling shit like this without ever letting him have even a hint of it.

"Stop looking at me like that. I knew you wouldn't use it after a while so I took it upon myself to not let your money go to waste"

"You could've cancelled the subscription to save my money you know"

Harvey watches as the whites in her eyes widen which happen whenever the _I'm not apologizing for who I am_ aspect of her personality is about to spring into action, "And I still stand by my earlier statement"

He gives her a small smile as he shakes his head at her while going through her playlist.

"Just put it on shuffle, Harvey. You are not gonna find your old school bands on _my playlist_ anyway", she nearly whines from the exhaustion of the day and him taking a minute too long to select a song.

"Fine", he says caving into her, finally hitting the shuffle button and placing her iPhone on the coffee table.

Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana pierces their ear with its loud intro.

They both let out a laugh together as both their minds rush back to that day about ten years ago when their drunk selves danced together to it at a party at the DA's office. Nearly a decade has passed and their lives have changed so much. But no one will ever be able to change one thing and that is their uncanny ability of making the other one feel at ease just by their presence. They will forever be each other's best friends and no soul can take that away from them.

Harvey begins with twirling Donna around making her erupt into a fit of laughter. It is followed by some goofy dance steps as they try to remember the weirdest dance steps they know.

Harvey ends up copying a signature Louis step which makes Donna laugh out so loud that he thinks it could even cover up the loud breaking of his heart.

Donna is grooving along the song with some of the most absurd moves the human eye has ever laid eyes on but it's also the single most cutest thing he has ever seen. He takes in her laughter and her face which is lighted with happiness and suddenly there's this massive void in his heart because he's losing her. Scratch that, he _has_ lost her. He wouldn't see her doing her Donna walk around these corridors every day nor will she be the one to call him out on his bullshit every single day. She'll just not be here any more, for him and the thought alone is so sickening and he wants to drop to his knees and beg her to stay. But he won't do that, not any more. She deserves to live a happy life. A happy life with a man who was worth having her and she finally has it all and there was no fucking way he was coming in between any of that. He loves her and will always do. Even if it is loving her from afar.

He's snapped out of his thoughts when she jokingly grabs his right hand with her left and after placing her right hand on his shoulder, sways them in funny hurried steps along with the beat.

His hand instinctively lands on her waist as he joins her in her dancing all the while feeling the massive rock of her engagement ring cut through his skin. It was yet another painful reminder of how he let her slip past his fingers when he wanted nothing more than to hold onto her throughout his goddamn life.

As the upbeat song comes to an end, they find themselves still swaying slowly when the song changes to Say Something by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera. Donna knows that song, it is one of her absolute favourites and when sometimes she would find herself alone she would drink to it while thinking about one particular man who also happens to be standing right in front of her right now. Her heartbeat quickens as the memories laden with emotions come back to her. She feels a similar ache in her heart.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'll be the one if you want me to_

_Anywhere, I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

The same ache she felt whenever she thought about settling with any man besides him. And now, she was moving on. Moving on from him. Moving on from whatever they are. She finally gave herself to a man who wasn't him. It pained her to think that way but that is the hard truth of her life. He left her with no choice. She just didn't have the strength left in her to spend another decade waiting for him to sort out his feelings and be ready for _them_.

_And I am feeling so small_

_It was over my head_

_I know nothing at all_

She has her chin on his shoulder with her right hand all the way around his back. It was a convenient way, one could say. To protect themselves from letting the other one see the tears that had emerged in their eyes. Harvey's regret on the fact that he missed out on so many opportunities to let her know _how_ he loved her and Donna's heartbreaking realisation that whatever she did, she failed to access his feelings.

_And I will stumble and fall_

_I'm still learning to love_

_Just starting to crawl_

As they keep swaying to the music, it suddenly hits him that at exactly the same place they are standing in right now, she kissed him. Kissed him as her last attempt to get him to open up. But he completely shut those feelings down even deeper and pushed her away.

Harvey closes his eyes as the guilt eats through him.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_Anywhere, I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

As if knowing what Harvey was thinking about, her mind drifts to the day she kissed him too. And the ugly aftermath which had followed. How he refused to see the truth in what he felt and how he treated her like a stranger just because for once in 13 years, she decided to do something for herself. And one year since that incident, she has again decided to step up for herself, by leaving him.

_And I will swallow my pride_

_You're the one that I love_

_And I'm saying goodbye_

"I am sorry", he says softly.

"Sorry for all the times I hurt you. You are the last person I would ever want to hurt, Donna and I hope you know it."

His last words almost come out as a whisper but she heard him alright.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_And anywhere, I would have followed you_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I'm giving up on you_

Donna pulls back to look at him. She feels so overwhelmed by that goddamn song and the broken look on his face that she has to bite down on her bottom lip to keep herself from crumbling into tears. This man has always had a way of speaking the right words at the wrong time and is doing it yet again.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_Say something_

"I know", is all she could say to him after filtering out some words from her now messy chain of thoughts due to an overdose of emotions he had caused.

As the song came to an end, Donna slowly stepped back suddenly feeling their closeness to be inappropriate given the circumstances.

She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and Harvey puts his hands into his pockets because there's nothing left to do with them any more as an uncomfortable silence engulfs them once again.

Donna hears the slow rhythm of a new song beginning to play which makes her quickly pick up her phone, pause the song and close the Spotify app.

They look at each other, waiting for the other to speak, not knowing how to continue whatever they were doing.

None of them wanted to be the first one to say the goodbyes. Mostly because this wasn't some casual goodbye where they would see each other again on Monday. This was a goodbye to a colleague of 13 years, his best friend and his something more. Who has finally decided to move on. He just didn't have it in himself to speak first, so he just stood there waiting for her to say something while he silently cherished her company for the last time in a long time.

As none of them moved to speak, a third voice interrupted them.

"Oh great, you're still here. I'm sorry I was late, Donna. Wrapping things up at the office took longer than I expected."

Both of them turn to face the source of the sound with two very different facial expressions. Donna gave Thomas a soft smile and murmured a hey whereas Harvey was internally pissed at the interruption but somehow managed to keep a straight face in front of him.

Donna walks towards Thomas who happily takes her hand in his, the same one which he had been holding for the past ten minutes.

Harvey quickly looks away when Thomas kisses Donna's hair affectionately. Sensing Harvey's unease, Donna gently breaks away from her husband to get her bag from her desk.

She comes to a stop in front of Harvey making him look up at her with his hands still buried in his pockets.

Donna steps forwards and gently presses her lips to his cheek, immediately taking him in her arms for what felt like the last time to him. He tentatively hugs her back, afraid to give into the surge of emotions whirling through his stomach.

"Goodbye Harvey. Take care of yourself"

He gives her a tight lipped smile, her words from her resignation letter from about a year ago echoing in his head.

"Goodbye Donna"

He did not trust his voice to say more than that without breaking, so he kept it to the point.

Donna walks back to her husband, Harvey closely following her.

He holds out his hand for Thomas to shake.

"Good to meet you, Thomas"

_Take care of her, Thomas,_ he adds internally.

"You too, Harvey. Good night"

Harvey nods his head in acknowledgement, seeing the couple off.

He stands quietly in Donna's deserted office as he watches the happy couple make their way out with their hands interlocked.

The reality hits him in full now. The gravity of the situation makes him wanna fall to his knees. Watching her get blurry with each step she takes, he's not sure if it's because of his brimming eyes or the increasing distance between them.

All his life, Harvey had lived in fear of the day where she would leave him. And she even gave him a taste of it when she left him to work for Louis and the time when she resigned from the firm. But now, that dreadful possibility is actualising in front of his eyes and he feels as if he's drowning and the one person who he wants to be saved by has left him. For another.

Harvey Specter has been broken beyond repair now. Now only time could heal the emotional wounds he inflicted upon himself due to his own mistakes. Time is a funny thing. It can give you everything if you know how to seize the opportunity but is just as brutal when it comes to taking away everything you had because you waited too long. It doesn't wait for anyone. And Harvey failed in this test. Years of taking her presence in his life for granted to never mustering enough courage to be her man has led him to this.

His worst possible nightmare. And there's no waking up from it.

**_Alright alright, you can come at me with your slippers. I get it lmao. Love y'all._**


End file.
